It’s Been Awhile

It has been way too long since I posted. Long story short, I just don’t have anything to write about. A lot has been going on the last two years. Depression has been my biggest problem, along with a ton of other terrible contributing factors. I don’t even know where to start. So, I might just ramble, so if you read this, thank you.

-Depression Sucks- 

-Work (too much to do, not enough people). I even switched jobs late last year, and I am just not happy there anymore either. My job before that was bringing back old feelings of hopelessness.

-Besides not having anything to write about, I don’t want to write. Things just feel too personal. I am not the exhibitionist that I once was. I don’t really go on sexual adventures anymore anyways (if you can call my past sexcapades adventure).

-I don’t even masturbate anymore. Maybe like once every couple of months in hopes to sleep. Sometimes I want too, but its complicated. I feel like that sexual energy should be used with my boyfriend, but I am just never in the mood. I hate not being in the mood. I don’t know how to get in the mood. Lack of masturbation is the reason I haven’t posted my new count. I can count the amount of times in the year I did it on one hand. It’s now October.

-I had to make the difficult decision to say goodbye to a beloved pet. He was very sick, and nothing was making him better. When I had to ask myself if I was keeping him alive for me or him, I knew what I had to do. I hate it. I want him back, and there’s nothing I can do. I try not to blame myself, and stay far away from the “what-ifs,” but I just feel empty. He was too young.

-I have two toys I still need to do reviews on, but I just can’t. I feel awful, because I am supposed to, but I just can’t. Luckily the company has been understanding as I have kept them informed. I will still do the review, just not yet.

-I miss my friends that I made through here. Feel free to reach out, I would be happy to hear from you.

-I started a different hobby/venture. That helped a bit, but I have been kind of out of touch with that too. Long story short I started video game streaming, but I just don’t know what to play these days. I feel so isolated. Before Covid we had a weekly game night, in person, with friends. Its been almost two years since we did that. I enjoy playing online with friends, but lately no one has been available.

-I got my IUD (Mirena) out in February 2021. I thought it would help my depression because of the hormones. It has not helped. I do plan to write about my experience with it. I will, I just need the motivation. Perhaps this post will be the start of working up to that.

I constantly question if I should keep this blog going. I have so much of my life on it, but I feel so disconnected from it lately. It just doesn’t seem me. I was and still am proud of it. Its just not something I feel comfortable sharing with others. At least with streaming I can share that venture with a little bit more gusto. I don’t have to worry about being judged. I could not share my blog with my family.

Have any of you been able to overcome lack of libido? How? I want to know how I can kick this feeling.

If you read all of this, thank you. I would love to hear from you, whether through comment or DM on Twitter.

Product Review – Zumio S

I have finally had a chance to review all three Zumios, and I think I found my favorite. I was given the Zumio S by Zumio themselves in exchange for my honest review. I reviewed my first Zumio (Zumio X) in 2018, and just a few months ago reviewed the Zumio E.

The Contents

In the Zumio S box, you get the Zumio S, a protective cap to go on the toy, charging stand, and USB charging cord. The only thing I felt was missing was a pouch to keep the toy in, but I will say that about most any toys I review and buy.

The Toy

Each model is different in how the toy works. Zumio uses SpiroTip technology, and oscillates instead of vibrate. The Zumio S rotates, and has a shorter, rounder tip. The Zumio S also is less intense than the other models. Each model has ight speeds, and hold up to a 4 hour charge. The downfall is that it takes 16 hours to charge. All Zumios are waterproof, which makes cleaning a cinch. There is also a travel lock feature that prevents the toy from turning on accidentally. There are three buttons; Power, Up, and Down. The placement of the buttons was comfortable for me to use, and they are easy to press.

Overall

The Zumio S is probably my favorite of the Zumio models. I love the Zumio toys because of their pinpoint sensations, but the Zumio S has a slightly wider and thicker tip. In my opinion, this allows for a slightly larger surface area to be stimulated. It is great for solo or partnered play, whichever tickles your fancy. Thank you so much Zumio for letting me complete my collection and review your products! You can get the Zumio S at the Zumio store and/ or Betty’s Toy Box.

Product Review – Zumio E

I will start off by saying, I absolutely love the Zumio Products. In 2018 I reviewed the Zumio X (Zumio’s first model). Their products are pinpoint and give a deeper pleasure than other vibrators. Zumios don’t vibrate, but instead oscillate. I was excited to be offered a chance to review the Zumio E by Zumio themselves. I received this toy in exchange for my honest review.

The Packaging

The Zumio E came in a box slightly smaller than the Zumio X, but packaged in the same way. One thing that did not change about the boxes is the shininess (which I loved). Inside was the Zumio E, charging stand, and USB charging cord. I was slightly disappointed that it did not include a storage bag (like the Zumio X), but instead it did have a protective travel cap. I really approved of the travel cap, as my fear is always that the tip is going to snap off in storage.

The Toy

Zumio uses “SpiroTip” technology, making it give pinpoint pleasure to just the right spots. There are three models (the X, S, and E) and each one has its own unique rotation pattern and stem/tip shape. The tip of the Zumioo E is small, round, and slightly spoon shaped. The rotation pattern is elliptical, and the stem is long, curved, and rigid, The Zumio site has a nice comparison guide to help you choose which Zumio would be the best fit for you. The Zumio E is pressure sensitive,, where light pressure on the tip will bring rapid rotation and intensity, and pressing harder will bring out slower, deeper, and more intense stimulation.

There are 8 speeds to enjoy on the Zumio E, and it is 100% waterproof. I love waterproof, because it makes cleaning easier, as well as taking toys to the bath or shower a possibility. I personally don’t have a shower/bath big enough to make me comfortable with playing in the water, but someday I hope to have the chance. Perhaps a romantic vacation in a secluded area someday (when it is safe to travel).

The only thing that I found unfortunate about the Zumio products is that the charging time of 16 hours. However, it is made up for in battery life. One full charge will give up to 4 hours of play, depending on speed setting of the toy. I do think that the charging stand is neat, and definitely beats having to fight magnets and getting them in just the right position to charge.

The button placement is the same, but it didn’t bother me like it did with the Zumio X. I am not sure why, but I am not complaining. I found the Zumio easy and comfortable to hold and use. If holding the toy tip up, the buttons go (from top to bottom) Up, Down, and Power on/off. Holding the power button for 5 seconds will activate travel lock mode.

 

Overall

Overall, I loved the Zumio E. One thing I always prefer in toys is pinpoint stimulation with steady vibrations/oscillations. I am not a big fan of “patterns” in toys, and generally skip them because they don’t do anything for me. The Zumio products don’t have patterns, and contain pure pinpoint pleasure. (Sorry for the alliteration. It was too easy). I love that the models spell out SEX, so maybe a next model will be named Y? Either way, I would love to try the S at some point. Currently the E is my favorite of the Zumio models, as it has the higher intensity. Thank you so much to Zumio for letting me try the Zumio E.

You can get your own Zumio toys at the Zumio store or at Betty’s Toy Box (or probably your favorite sex toy retailer), but using my links will give me a bit of commission at no extra cost to you. 🙂 I use my commissions to help keep this site running.

Product Review – Romp Free and Romp Shine

I think I have mentioned this a few times, but I absolutely love my Womanizer and Tango. Because of this, you can imagine my excitement when I heard about Romp, a company brought to you by the same people as We-Vibe and Womanizer. There is a lot to choose from in the Romp collection (everything from a bullet vibe, vibrating cock ring, a wand, and more) and Betty’s Toy Box sent me free in exchange for my review two of the new Romp Products; the Romp Shine and the Romp Free. Both of these toys use “Pleasure Air Technology” to provide a sucking sensation  on the clitoris. There is a lot that is similar between the two toys and the only thing that seems different is the physical design, so I am combining them into one review.

Shine (and) Free

The Romp Shine and Romp Free are made of ABS plastic with removable silicone heads and magnetic rechargeable. This is great because it makes them waterproof, but unfortunately the magnet is very weak and I had a very difficult time getting them in place just right so that they could charge and stay connected. It will need about 90 minutes for a full charge, giving about 40 minutes of play on high speeds. Both toys contain the same motor with ten speeds. I found the buttons to be very hard to press, especially in the moment. Pressing the (+) for 2 seconds will turn on the motor, and holding (-) for 2 seconds will turn it off. Along with being hard to press, I thought the button control odd (it kind of bugged me) that the (+) and (-) did not align with the silicone button cover. At first I thought it was a production defect, but seeing the product pictures it appears as that was planned. The motor itself is OK. It was quiet, so that was nice, but it wasn’t as strong as I had hoped. Turning it off and back on will reset it to the lower speed. I was pleased to find that it did not have patterns, as those are useless to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Romp Shine

This is the more common design of most clitoral air products that I have seen. If fit in my hand nicely, but that was about all I can say nice about this toy. After washing the Shine for the first time, the silicone head did not want to stay on. Every time I used it, the head would pop off before I could even get it past my outer labia. One time I thought the head stayed on, but learned that was not the case when I increased the power and it got uncomfortable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Romp Free

Designed for travel, the Romp Free is compact and has a cover that goes over the silicone head. This was also easy to hold and control, and the silicone head stayed in place during use. The cap fits on snugly, but some could have trouble getting it on and off.  Of the two, the Free became my favorite of the two.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Overall

Overall, these toys were not terrible for the price of under $100 ($40 for Romp Free and $50 for Romp Shine) on Betty’s Toy Box. I do wish that they came with a travel bag, as it make storage easier. Even though they both managed to get me to orgasm, they were some very weak and sad orgasms that left me wanting more from a different toy. These would be good beginner toys if you are unsure if pleasure air technology is right for you, but if you have a little extra to spend, I would find it worth it to get a Womanizer instead. Thank you Betty’s Toy Box for letting me try these out!

Product Review – Into the Moment Massage Oil

It is stressful times right now, and even before things changed my boyfriend and I were searching for a good massage oil to help ease the Sunday night stress and anxiety of the upcoming Monday. A few months ago I discovered Aloe Cadabra, the creators of my new found favorite lube. They also make a massage oil out of the same natural, organic ingredients. I was given a bottle free in exchange for another honest review.

The Oil

Into the Moment is a lavender massage & body oil. The product is made from sesame oil with vitamins E, D, and B. Sesame oil is known to help “slow down the appearance of aging skin.” One of the things I love about Aloe Cadabra products is how natural they are. There are no parabens or GMOs. You can pronounce and list the ingredients on one hand, which feels kind of rare these days. Massage and body oil is best used for massages and softening skin. It can also be great for a bath oil for relaxation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Overall

At first I found the smell of lavender to be a tad too strong, but soon enough I got used to it and found it rather relaxing. The ingredients were gentle on my skin, and I have very sensitive skin. I felt like I absorbed it nicely, and I didn’t have that “icky/sticky” feeling after use. This massage oil has definitely made its was as a regular into our lives. Because lavender is so hit and miss for some people, I would love to see a softer, sweeter scent come out by this company. Maybe vanilla or coconut? Coconut lemongrass has always been a favorite of mine. What are some of your favorite scents for relaxing?

Thank you to the lovely folks at Aloe Cadabra for letting me try this massage oil. When you check out online, you can use coupon code “AFSweets” to receive 25% off and free shipping in the U.S. (This code is valid once per customer). Along with this oil, Aloe Cadabra has a bunch of lubes with a variety of flavors. You can find my review for those here.

Product Reviews – Hollywood Hottie and Palm Springs Pleaser

I have been in the market for a new vibrator lately. I wanted something new and fun to try and switch things up a bit. I have been suffering from lack of sex drive and libido, so I thought a new toy could help add some fun. I was given the chance to review not one, but two toys from Betty’s Toy Box. CalExotics has a new “California Dreaming” vibrator line that looks super fun and colorful, so I was excited to give them a try. Of the many to choose from, I chose the Hollywood Hottie and the Palm Springs Pleaser. I received these in exchange for my honest review.

About Both Toys

Asides from color, design, and shape, these toys are pretty similar. They are both rechargeable, made from body safe silicone, and waterproof. The button layout and motors also feel like the same. Each toy has three buttons. The bottom and middle turn the vibrator on, middle cycles through the patterns once on, the bottom button is the “power boost” button that puts the vibrations at the highest steady speed. The top button turns everything off. It took a while to get used to these buttons’ functionalities. I had a few mishaps of accidentally turning it off at a critical moments. I did appreciate the power boost button, as that helps me get back to the steady vibrations that I prefer when I accidentally hit a pattern button.

There was a lot that I loved about these toys, and only a few gripes. I love the fun colors and styles. The names are a bit cheesy, but that goes with the territory I think. The silicone is soft and silky, making me love the feel of them on my skin. Waterproof is always nice, as it makes me less worried that I am going to accidentally fry something while cleaning. Speaking of cleaning, cleaning is very simple, just use warm soap and water. I do wish this line came with a carrying bag of some sort. I have gotten used to toys these days coming with some sort of travel bag. It has been a long time since I saw something that does not have one.

Unfortunately, my biggest complaint is the motor. Even though it had a decent rumble to it, it soon turned buzzy, especially at the higher speeds. The lack of rumble made it impossible to ever reach my climax.

The Hollywood Hottie

On the Betty’s storefront, this looked very yellow. However, after seeing it in person, it is definitely more of a neon orange. The tip is soft and flexible, making it easier to hit that perfect spot. The bottom also had a nice ridge texture that felt nice along my skin. The battery is said to last 40 minutes on high and 90 minutes at low speed, and I feel like that is accurate. The battery life was decent, I only wish it was more rumbly. Because of the shape, it is not meant for insertion, but it is great for other erogenous zones.

The Palm Springs Pleaser

 

I have to say, I love this shade of blue. It definitely gave me the feeling of cool summer beaches in southern California. I also must admit, I enjoyed bending this toy around way too much. As advertised, it is meant to bend to your needs. The end is a very unique shape that kind of reminds me of a spoon. This toy also is not good for insertion, but great for outside erogenous zones. The battery is a little bit weaker than the Hollywood Hottie, with only 30 minutes at max speeds, 75 minutes at low speeds. the same buzzy rumble as the Hollywood Hottie.

Overall

Overall, these were fun, and can be a good choice if you are on a budget, as they are under $100. I give them both 3 out of 5 stars. However, if you want something that is a combination of the two that is a bit smaller and a lot more rumbly, I would recommend the We-Vibe Touch. Thank you Betty’s Toy Box!

For the Health of it – Eating Out

I have always enjoyed eating out. (I will try to refrain myself from making too many innuendos). It is convenient for so many reasons (socializing, bonding, no dishes, etc). There was a time when I ate out at least once or twice a week. That was usually when I worked graveyard shift and the only time I could hang out with friends or family. Some favorites are Mexican food, sushi places, and Chinese food places. I would love to be able to incorporate more sushi and pasta places in my eating out journey.

When travelling, I love eating out even more because I would get to eat at places we don’t have where I live. Nowadays we don’t eat out as much. This is mostly due to the fact that not a lot of restaurants don’t have a lot of options that fit my diet (keto), and if they do, I would rather cook it at home.

Eating out for me is unhealthy because I usually eat all of what is served to me. I hate wasting food, and I hate leftovers. That is a bad combination when trying to work on portion size.

Now with the virus, eating out is even less appealing. Most places are only allowing take out anyways. I feel like if there is a shelter in place order, that should mean also not going to get food or have it delivered. I miss eating out though. It was always a nice way for my boyfriend and I to make a date of it, and go see a movie and have lunch or dinner.

As far as the cost for eating out goes, it always felt somewhat affordable. By only doing it once a week, it felt like a very manageable thing to spend money on. Though it is always shocking to see the price go up on my favorite things each year.

SB4MH – Boundaries

Content Warning – Fatshaming, Doctor’s Office.

I really have only one major boundary, and that is to not talk about my weight or anything to do with weight. I am getting better about it, especially when I am the one to bring it up, but it is still a very sensitive topic for me. This post is about my struggles with doctors and the outside world.

Back in December, I set up a doctor’s appointment. There were several topics I wanted to discuss (getting prescription refills for my psoriasis and discussing my IUD and other birth control methods). It is usually an all day thing to visit the doctor, as even with an appointment the wait is insane.

I got to the appointment 15 minutes early (as requested) and was taken in fairly quickly. The medical assistant got my weight, took my temperature, and pointed me to the room I would see the doctor in. Inside she asked me the usual questions, got my blood pressure (after much difficulty because mine is hard to hear and the bands are usually too small for my arms.

Once the MA was done doing my intake, she told me the doctor had one patient before me and it shouldn’t be too long. I took out my ohone and did the usual scrolling, played a game, texted. When I looked at the time, it had been over an hour since the MA left. I got up and opened the door to remind them I was there. Twenty minutes later the same MA walked by and said “Oh, you’re still here?” “Yes, can you see what the hold up is? I have been in here over an hour with no doctor,” I stated calmly. Inside I was getting really pissed off. This is not the first time I have been forgotten.

The MA came back 5 minutes later and told me that there was an emergency that came in and the doctor was with them. When I asked why no one bothered to let me know the doctor would be later than planned, she did not have an answer. No one wants to tell someone that they were forgotten, again.

Ten minutes later, the doctor came storming in. “You’ve gained a lot of weight since I last saw you. I ordered blood tests to see if you are diabetic, I am going to refill your psoriasis medicine, but I am sending a referral for you to see the actual skin doctor. I don’t have time today, so you will have to reschedule if you need to talk about anything else. Any questions?” Unfortunately that was a direct quote from the doctor. She then started on my weight again, telling me that keto obviously wasn’t working for me and  I need to look into something else. All I could say was that she was touching a very sensitive topic. “I know, I don’t care, you need to hear it,” was the response I got.

I left really pissed off. I have not made an appointment since, and am still using my IUD. I just don’t have it to go back there right now. Yes, I could ask for a different doctor, but everyone is booked up. Maybe by the time the IUD is at the 5 year mark (which is how long it is effective) I will have lost enough weight to deserve a proper visit. Or a different doctor will be available.

Fast forward to last week. Our office has been a skeleton crew because of the virus going around. No bosses, just 3 of us. One coworker put on music (appreciated) and said it was safe for work. I told her that there was really only one thing that would offend me, and that was fat jokes. I find it ironic after what happened later that day after work.

After work I walked to go check the mail (at the end of my clock) and I saw a neighbor and her kid. The kid waved and said “hi,” so I waved and said “hi” back. Out of nowhere the kid says “Wow! You’re fat!”

The best thing for me was to keep walking and not engage. As I walked away just shaking my head the mom said “Yeah, she’s crass.” That was all. No apologizing to me, having her kid say sorry, or telling her kid that that was not nice. I kept walking. For the rest of the night all I could hear was that kid saying that like a record on repeat. There were so many ways I could have reacted. I keep thinking I should have said this or said that. Really though, the best thing was to walk away.




SB4MH – Social Anxiety

I am unsure if social anxiety is something new in my life, or it has always been present and I chocked it up to just being nervous. Either way, I know now that I do have social anxiety. Some days are better than others, depending on the situation.

I have always been socially awkward. People tend to find me annoying. I was a very clingy and attention needy kid. I had no concept of personal space (both in conversation and physicality). I have always been overly friendly, too nice for my own good even. Through all that, I was always kind of a social butterfly. I preferred small gatherings rather than large gatherings because I always ended up feeling left out.

Now I am the complete opposite. I am very aware of other people’s personal bubbles, and mine has definitely become more present. My depression probably has a big factor in my anxiety, as I am just not motivated to do anything outside of the house. I find myself making excuses from doing the things I used to love (weekly game nights with friends, etc).

New situations don’t really make me nervous, but they do make me anxious for them to hurry up and be over so that I can go home. Lately I have just been wanting to lose myself, and I have in a way. I started playing something I haven’t played in several years. I realized that i only really get into it when my depression gets really bad. That game is also another reason why I haven’t posted very consistently lately. I am sorry for that, but I needed to take care of me.

I am much more aware of the fact that I annoy people. I don’t know how to fix it though. People that seem much more “eccentric” than me seem and feel much more appreciated. Even when I stay quiet and not talk people get irritated with me. Maybe it is my social anxiety telling me all of this.

It is a running joke with my boyfriend and I when we have to go somewhere (that involves socializing) I make it a point to say goodbye to things that we pass. “(Goodbye house. Goodbye tree. Goodbye fence. Goodbye sign., Etc).” The farther away from home we get, the more dramatic I get. I know it gets annoying, so I don’t do it too often; only when I am having a bad day.

I admit, I never understood social anxiety until I experienced my own. Now I am trying to balance having enough time to visit, adult (work, bleh), and take time for me.

 

Product Review – Aloe Cadabra Moisturizing Lube

It was only recently that I really discovered how much fun lube can be. Lately lube has become more of a necessity than an added extra (due to vaginal dryness from birth control). My dryness put me on a search for the perfect (for me) lube. A few weeks ago I stumbled across Aloe Cadabra Moisturizing Lube by Live Well Brands. The ingredients are all natural and organic, with no parabens or glycerin that other lubes may contain. I reached out to Aloe Cadabra and they provided me three different lubes in exchange for my honest review. Of the 12 types and flavors, I chose natural unscented, naked strawberry, and pina colada.

All of the lubes are water based, but a thick viscosity. With the lubes being 95% aloe, they make a great vaginal moisturizer (as the name says). One thing the directions suggest is putting the lube on something to insert (a finger, dildo, or dilator works great), and just let it set for a few minutes. I tried this and within a minute or two I was feeling moisturized and refreshed. My boyfriend and I used the lubes during PIV sex and I could definitely feel a difference in use compared to other lubes. Along with the moisturizing feeling, the lubes are thick enough to not slide off of whatever is going inside, and it stays lubed.

Unscented

Just like the name says, this lube has no taste or smell. I found this one to be my favorite for use as a moisturizer and as a sexual lubricant.

Naked Strawberry and Pina Colada

The Naked Strawberry tastes just like fresh strawberries and I want to eat it straight from the tube. I won’t do this, but it tastes and smells like the real thing. The Pina Colada tastes just like my favorite party drink and makes me crave a stiff one. (Please excuse my pun, it was way too hard to resist (heh)).  Both (and all flavors) are sweetened with organic stevia. I found these to be a great prelude and companion for oral sex that led to PIV sex.

What these lubes are made of

First off, they have a ton of organic aloe vera in them. Aloe vera has been a natural healing plant used for centuries and promotes rapid skin repair. Aloe Cadabra also contains Vitamin E Oil to nourish and enhance, Xanthan to thicken, and Citric Acid as a natural preservative.

Overall

I (and my boyfriend) really loved these lubes, and I will definitely get more in the future. I found that they really helped lubricate and moisturize without feeling sticky or gross afterwards. For the two flavors I tried, they tasted like the real thing. My boyfriend also really liked these lubes, both in flavor (when applicable), and in functionality. He liked that it didn’t slide off as soon as it applied (the way that other lubes do). When you check out online, you can use coupon code “AFSweets” to receive 25% off and free shipping in the U.S. (This code is valid once per customer). Along with lubes, Aloe Cadabra has a massage oil that I really hope to try soon!

A bit of strawberry. All lubes have a neutral flavor (shown here) and are very thick. I find this to be a good thing.