So, way before my accident there was a guy at work that I had a bit of an attraction to. I knew only his name and that he winked at me whenever we crossed paths. Fast forward to after the accident and returning to work. The wink he gave me came with a huge grin.
I started talking to him, getting to know him in small bits. I found out when he had break and would take mine at the same time. (My roommate joked that I was stalking him. I call it being at the right place at the right time *giggle*).
I will call him Ginger, for his fiery red hair. It was with him that I really embraced my attraction to redheads. Anyways, Ginger became the reason I went to work each day. I looked forward to seeing him, getting to know him. I was going through a major downward mental spiral and he lifted me in so many ways.
We exchanged screen names for the gaming console we had and I got a game to play with him. I had a blast playing with him online, chatting and joking. I was so happy when I was talking to him.
At the beginning of December he met me in the break room with his usual grin. He informed me that he had just put in two weeks. I fished for information, while inside I was devastated. What was I going to do now that my motivation would no longer be there?
I got gutsy and had one of my many “fuck it moments.” I suggested that we hang out since we wouldn’t be able to eat together anymore. He sounded to really like the idea. That gave me a little bit of hope.
Three weeks after he quit we got to hang out. His mom dropped him off at my place and I made take and bake pizza. We talked for 5 hours straight, with only one awkward pause when he asked what time it was. We talked about funny and sad things, serious and goofy things. I feel like we really got to know each other.
When he was ready to go as it was getting late, I gave him a ride home in the vehicle I borrowed from family. The conversation took an interesting turn. He made a cannibal joke (I forgot what it was), so I countered with mine (What’s the definition of trust? Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob). He then informed me that he didn’t see the point in blowjobs.
I bit my tongue (I wanted to offer to show him the point) and he continued. He also didn’t see the point in any fancy “positions,” that sex was for making babies only. Fuck my life. I have been there. I have been in a serious relationship with a guy that felt that way. I almost dated another like that. I can’t see myself going there again, because I wasn’t happy.
One part of me is highly intrigued. I want to turn him, open his world and show him all of the wonderful and sexy things. I have a thing for being people’s firsts. The other part of me feels like I should run. I would not be happy, especially if I can’t turn him. His religion seems pretty important to him and his family. He is also a mama’s boy, which could make things even harder on me. I am also terrified of pursuing this because I have a feeling he could be the date to marry type. I am far from ready for anything serious.
I have such a crush on this guy. I could never stay away. If anything I think this could mean a really good platonic friendship. I don’t have very many, so another would be nice. Damn though, what if he wants more and I can’t give it to him? I don’t want to hurt the guy.